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You....
I had this vision of you being this perfect person.
A man who respected women, who went out of there way to help...
Someone who cared, and listened.

It started out perfect.
The way you looked at me.
The way you kissed my forehead.
You talked to me like I was the only women in the world.
I was love struck,
All my morals went out the window...
Everything I believed in looked different.

But this is what I get now.
A man who only wants to change who I am.
A man who doesn't listen, doesn't care...
A man who loves me, only when he feels like it.
You hurt me.
In a way I've never been hurt.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Jaiden's got a tattoo on his belly. Every time I see it, it makes me smile. He got the tattoo from one of those machines at the entrance of Fred Meyers, you know the ones where you put in your change, push the medal tab, pull it out, and out pops a white piece of cardboard with the tattoo sandwiched inside. His just happens to be a lion with sharp teeth amongst red roses. He wanted to put it on the second we got it... "Just like Daddy" he said.
Its this simple thing... Him wanting to be like his dad that makes me realize how fast he is growing. The way he looks up at Steve.... The way he copies his statements. And the older he gets, the more I see Steve in his face, in his expressions, in his smile. Only 4 year ago and a handful of months, I was looking into the face of a newborn, wondering what he would be like, if he would be shy, or outgoing, if he would prefer his peanut butter sandwiches toasted, or soft, or even like then at all. What his smile would be like... If he would enjoy school, or take after me, and hate it. If he would say things like "The human head weighs eight pounds".... It seems like it was just yesterday that I wondered these things, and now as I sit here with him watching Dora the Explorer, I know him in a way I never expected... In a way only a mother knows there own son. I know all the answers to the questions above, and more, like what his favorite blankets are, his favorite color, his gestures, the way he asks for something to eat at 10:00 every night.... I know Jaiden Kelly Anderson better then anyone! And I love him just the way he is.
 
 
 
 
 
 
My boys are being extra needy today...
I think it might be nap time...
 
 
 
 
 
 
So today I went to a purse party so I could get some free wine. Yep, that's right.
Yesterday my aunt said to me "want to go to this purse party with us?" and I hesitated, then she said "there will be wine and chocolate cake" and I said "HELL YEAH Ill be there"
And I was. About 4 glasses of riesling later, I was stumbling around making stupid jokes and eating potpourri. And I have always been told, when you start eating the Potpourri, its time to get going. LOL.

So here I am, at home. Typing in this journal.

I think I am going to head down stairs and have a Grays Anatomy marathon. That sounds freaking wonderful.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I am getting so boring! I mean, the only two things I can think about writing are how I am sick and tired of having dandruff and I started a jiggsaw puzzle today to hang up in our bedroom because we are to freakin cheap to by an acutal print! Yeah, I know... Totally loserish!

What happened to me being cool and exciting? What happened to being spontanious and doing something for no reason at all? Hmmm...

Steve and I got in a boxing match a couple days ago just for fun. And he socked my left arm so hard that it went stiff, and now I have a huge bruise! What I learned from that is boxing is a tough sport... And next time Im going to go for the nads. LOL.

So Im off to bed... Steves out with his friends tonight and won't be home till tomarrow evening, so I get to sleep next to my next favorite male, Jaiden of course.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Jaiden and Brennan are driving me freakin crazy today!
I only really ever have about 2 hours away from the kids a day, and thats when they are napping. Well today for some reason neither of them will nap, and Im about to go freakin apeshit on em.
This is rediculous. I just want to run away.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Here is my dilema.... We need a new car. We have two, yes. And they are fine cars. But my Honda has alot of miles, and Steve's 4runner is a gas hog! So eventually we are going to need to get a new car anyways. With Steve driving to Portland once a month for drill, we need a car with good gas milage, and good snow/ice handling...

So, we went and looked at cars yesterday. And we found a 2003 Subara Legacy that we really liked... They told us they would call us back today and see if they could get us financed(Steve has terrible credit, and I don't have any).. They called us back today and said they could, our payments will be in the $350 area... Yeah I know... Thats alot of stinkin money a month. But for Steve's credit, I mean, and having the car so new... Plus that includes a roadside warrenty till its paid off... I am thinking we are going to go for it. We can make it work... Its just change. Change scares me. And being as me JUST paid off both cars and haven't had a car payment in awhile (its been nice) I just hate the idea of car payments again. But it will be worth it in the long run. We are trading the 4runner in outright for the downpayment. So its no out of pocket expence for us. So realisticly we could walk in there with the papers and walk out with a new subaru legancy....

Ugg, it makes me nervous though. Anways, Now that I have thought about it and wrote about it, I am actaully getting really excited!!!

I'll let you know how it goes tomarrow. And I'll post pictures of our new baby!
 
 
 
 
 
 
Finally everyone is starting to feel better. Jaidens been fine for about a week and a half, and Brennan started feeling better 2 days ago... I just hope this is the end of solminella in my household... I can tell you what, I will defanatly be sure to wash, sanitize, and clean everything that somes is contact with raw meat and poultry. Even though I don't even think it was my doing... (meaning I don't think the infected meat came from my house) I am still going to watch out and be very causious from now on....

Other then that, not much is new.... Pretty boring actually.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Brennan has Solminella now. Isn't that just wonderful? I am so tired. I mean first I have to deal with Jaiden being super sick, and taking him to the ER 3 times in 5 days... And now I have to stay up all night with Brennan and change his diapers over and over again. There is only so much a person can deal with and I think I am to my limit!
 
 
 
 
 
 
Well, atleast Steve is home... He made it home yesterday safely.
I'll be heading home early monday morning.
Not much new has been going on. Im tired. I need to pack up our stuff, and here I am typing a post. Im such a procrastinator.